This week marks my mom's one year heaven date in addition to Father's Day. Therefore, Grief is a little more present this week.
I've always known about Grief but it wasn't until I was older that she actually became part of my life. When I was younger, I'd see her from a distance - attached to older relatives, acquaintances, co-workers and others - all who were experiencing the loss of a loved one. For years, I was able to avoid personally meeting her. But eventually the time came with the loss of some precious friends and beloved family members. Grief had finally decided to attach herself to me whether I liked it or not. And I did not like it. Nor did I like her.
In our early days of togetherness, she was in my face and my space constantly. There wasn't a place I could go to escape her. She insisted on being by my side. ALL.THE.TIME. She was exhausting. And just when I thought I had moved on, she'd remind me of her presence. Sometimes she would be nice and give me little trigger warnings so I could be prepared. But other times she would just show up and show off as if she was in charge. And to be honest, sometimes she was.
She's been a part of my life for quite some time now. I know when she is close by and even when she's distant. She's with me always. I'd like to think that we are done with the unexpected and heart-breaking encounters that she is known for, but I also know Grief does what she wants and when she wants to do it. So we will continue on our journey of companionship and with whatever the journey brings. Grief's presence will forever be present, at least on this side of heaven.
Some days I just sit with her and she reminds me of our first encounters. Grief is a little kinder on those days as I lean in to her and remember the heartbreaking moments while soaking in the precious little memories. This is when Grief and Love meet.
I know that Grief is a result of Love. Without Love there would be no Grief and I cannot imagine a life without Love. For now, I'll simply embrace Grief and wait until I'm reunited with Love.